How To Talk Like A Pompous Ass

How can a person broadcast that he or she is a highfalutin jerk?  How about using big, stupid phrases to describe simple things?  That is to say, talk like a cop.  Here are some examples of cop talk, translated back into regular English.

He indicated... He said
I have been employed by... I worked for
I exited the patrol vehicle... I got out of the car
I observed... I saw
I ascertained the location of the residence... I found the house
I proceeded to the vicinity of... I went to
I approached the entrance... I went to the door
The subject approached me... She came up to me
I apprehended the perpetrator... I arrested the man
I obtained an item that purported to be an envelope from the individual... I got the envelope from her
I observed the subject fleeing on foot from the location... I saw him running away

When you hear myself extolling, you'll be in awe of how I utilize the vocab.  Bitches!

(via Boing Boing)