Confronted by Walls of Toads

"We were confronted literally with walls of toads — tens of thousands of them. It was like watching a moving carpet"

If you're trying to control the spread of an invasive exotic species of toads, is it really more humane to beat them over the head than to suffocate them?

Happy New Year

Fake Steve on a Rampage

Señor loves an inspired rant, and this piece from Fake Steve Jobs is the fiercest megaton blast of truth I've come across in ages.

Just Say Nooooooo!

I bet Mr. T was glad he taped up his boots.

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I love this from the NYT in an article about the Obama administration's Afghanistan deliberations and how military officials responded to a leaking of private information to the press.

The cable stunned some in the military. The reaction at the Pentagon, said one official, was “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” — military slang for an expression of shock.

How I Roll

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Want to Go for a Ride?

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The Most Wretched

My skin crawls to imagine these women's suffering as I read this article.

Perhaps the most wretched people on this planet are those suffering obstetric fistulas.

Pediatric Pot

Question: Why are we giving our nine-year-old a marijuana cookie?

Answer: Because he can't figure out how to use a bong.

Very interesting article (the first of two) by the mother of a son with autism.

WTF? Says the WTF, Changes Name

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Don't Bring a Crowbar to a Sword Fight

A habitual offender with 29 prior arrests had been released from a year in county jail just days before. He probably had some ideas in mind of what he would do when he got back on the streets. Being confronted by a college student whose garage he was burgling was probably not in his plans. That the student might be armed with a samurai sword probably never crossed his mind. Having his arm chopped nearly off before he died came as a surprise, I expect.

Mmmmmmeow.

Canned Brain

Mmm. Pork.

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Jim Carroll, Person Who Died

Punk poet, Jim Carroll, has died at age 60. I hope he finds his friends.

In 1990 or '91 some friends and I went to see Jim Carroll read in Buffalo. The room was packed, and we sat on the floor at Carroll's feet. The nugget that stays with me from that reading is called "Sampling Nietzsche"

"What does not kill me, only serves to make me sleep until 3:30 the next afternoon."

Not a Rapist. Not a Murderer. Just a Douche-bag.

A new site with a provocative name would like to reassure you that there is no evidence that Glen Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But they find it curious that Mr. Beck hasn't denied the allegation.

According to the site:

We assume Glenn Beck did not rape and murder a young girl in 1990, although we haven't yet seen proof that he didn't. But we think Glenn Beck definitely uses tactics like this to spread lies and misinformation.

So why is this funny? It wouldn't be funny at all if Mr. Beck and his ilk weren't in the business or manufacturing controversy out of bullshit. Take, for example, the Fox News tactic of injecting uncredited innuendo into their "reporting" by using the "some people say" technique.

Just because some jackass disagrees with established facts doesn't meant there's a controversy. There is no controversy about where Barack Obama was born. Similarly, there's no controversy about whether or not the Earth was created over the course of seven days. Just because there is disagreement doesn't mean there's a controversy. WTF? These days, I think if President Obama went on record saying that water is wet, Republicans in Congress would jump up to disagree.

So, to be clear, there is no evidence that Glen Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But the evidence is incontrovertible that he is a prissy weirdo.

Chase Earns Drunk Driver 56 Tickets

A high speed chase that started on the expressway and led through residential areas earned a motorist 56 tickets.

I wonder how long it takes to write 56 tickets!

The Rockabillies

Awesome! Kind of a Grease/Raymond Carver kind of thing.

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Religions as Movies

Ha ha! If monothiest religions were a movie franchise.

Jews liked the first movie, but ignored the sequels. Christians think you need to watch the first two movies, but the third one doesn't count. Muslims think the third movie was the best, and the Mormons liked the second one so much that they started writing fan-fiction that doesn't fit with any of the series of the canon.

Grumpy Old Man Slaps Crying 2-Year-Old

Attention, grumpy old man. I feel your frustration. I'm glad it was you and not me in a Wal-Mart listening to a screaming kid. But. You're the one who walked into the Wal-Mart. Jeez! Haven't you seen the people who shop there?

That said, Mr. Grumpy, it's not your job to "shut her up." Keep your hands to yourself! Or didn't they used to say that in your day?

Eavesdropping on an Old Man

This is great:

I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale.

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From the Mouths of Babes

My daughter (5 years-old) and I were at the mall when she saw a Muslim woman dressed in black with only her eyes showing. My daughter knew what was up. She said, "Dad, I think I saw a ninja."

Oh, Dear - It Exploded In My Face

Love these re-imagined comics.

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Leave the Horses Alone!

A South Carolina man tries for romance with a horse, but settles for just sex.

7-year old escapes by car to avoid church

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Health Care Vampires

If conservatives get to call universal health care "socialized medicine," I get to call private health care "soulless vampires making money off human pain."

Thank you, Bill Maher.