WTF? No, Seriously. WTF?

Confronted by Walls of Toads

2010-01-23T20:50:00.002-05:00

"We were confronted literally with walls of toads — tens of thousands of them. It was like watching a moving carpet"

If you're trying to control the spread of an invasive exotic species of toads, is it really more humane to beat them over the head than to suffocate them?

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T06:28:00.001-05:00

Fake Steve on a Rampage

2009-12-13T16:26:00.001-05:00

Señor loves an inspired rant, and this piece from Fake Steve Jobs is the fiercest megaton blast of truth I've come across in ages.

Just Say Nooooooo!

2009-12-10T22:21:00.003-05:00

I bet Mr. T was glad he taped up his boots.

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Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

2009-12-05T13:34:00.002-05:00

I love this from the NYT in an article about the Obama administration's Afghanistan deliberations and how military officials responded to a leaking of private information to the press.

The cable stunned some in the military. The reaction at the Pentagon, said one official, was “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot” — military slang for an expression of shock.

How I Roll

2009-12-04T17:41:00.001-05:00

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Want to Go for a Ride?

2009-11-09T08:00:00.002-05:00

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The Most Wretched

2009-11-01T21:57:00.001-05:00

My skin crawls to imagine these women's suffering as I read this article.

Perhaps the most wretched people on this planet are those suffering obstetric fistulas.

Pediatric Pot

2009-10-14T19:50:00.003-04:00

Question: Why are we giving our nine-year-old a marijuana cookie?
Answer: Because he can't figure out how to use a bong.

Very interesting article (the first of two) by the mother of a son with autism.

WTF? Says the WTF, Changes Name

2009-09-28T20:36:00.002-04:00

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Don't Bring a Crowbar to a Sword Fight

2009-09-15T20:25:00.002-04:00

A habitual offender with 29 prior arrests had been released from a year in county jail just days before. He probably had some ideas in mind of what he would do when he got back on the streets. Being confronted by a college student whose garage he was burgling was probably not in his plans. That the student might be armed with a samurai sword probably never crossed his mind. Having his arm chopped nearly off before he died came as a surprise, I expect.

Mmmmmmeow.

2009-09-14T22:02:00.003-04:00

Canned Brain

2009-09-14T21:56:00.002-04:00

Mmm. Pork.

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Jim Carroll, Person Who Died

2009-09-14T06:27:00.002-04:00

Punk poet, Jim Carroll, has died at age 60. I hope he finds his friends.

In 1990 or '91 some friends and I went to see Jim Carroll read in Buffalo. The room was packed, and we sat on the floor at Carroll's feet. The nugget that stays with me from that reading is called "Sampling Nietzsche"

"What does not kill me, only serves to make me sleep until 3:30 the next afternoon."

Not a Rapist. Not a Murderer. Just a Douche-bag.

2009-09-10T19:56:00.003-04:00

A new site with a provocative name would like to reassure you that there is no evidence that Glen Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But they find it curious that Mr. Beck hasn't denied the allegation.

According to the site:

We assume Glenn Beck did not rape and murder a young girl in 1990, although we haven't yet seen proof that he didn't. But we think Glenn Beck definitely uses tactics like this to spread lies and misinformation.

So why is this funny? It wouldn't be funny at all if Mr. Beck and his ilk weren't in the business or manufacturing controversy out of bullshit. Take, for example, the Fox News tactic of injecting uncredited innuendo into their "reporting" by using the "some people say" technique.

Just because some jackass disagrees with established facts doesn't meant there's a controversy. There is no controversy about where Barack Obama was born. Similarly, there's no controversy about whether or not the Earth was created over the course of seven days. Just because there is disagreement doesn't mean there's a controversy. WTF? These days, I think if President Obama went on record saying that water is wet, Republicans in Congress would jump up to disagree.

So, to be clear, there is no evidence that Glen Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But the evidence is incontrovertible that he is a prissy weirdo.

Chase Earns Drunk Driver 56 Tickets

2009-09-09T20:25:00.002-04:00

A high speed chase that started on the expressway and led through residential areas earned a motorist 56 tickets.

I wonder how long it takes to write 56 tickets!

The Rockabillies

2009-09-05T11:50:00.003-04:00

Awesome! Kind of a Grease/Raymond Carver kind of thing.

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Religions as Movies

2009-09-05T11:26:00.004-04:00

Ha ha! If monothiest religions were a movie franchise.

Jews liked the first movie, but ignored the sequels. Christians think you need to watch the first two movies, but the third one doesn't count. Muslims think the third movie was the best, and the Mormons liked the second one so much that they started writing fan-fiction that doesn't fit with any of the series of the canon.

Grumpy Old Man Slaps Crying 2-Year-Old

2009-09-02T22:09:00.002-04:00

Attention, grumpy old man. I feel your frustration. I'm glad it was you and not me in a Wal-Mart listening to a screaming kid. But. You're the one who walked into the Wal-Mart. Jeez! Haven't you seen the people who shop there?

That said, Mr. Grumpy, it's not your job to "shut her up." Keep your hands to yourself! Or didn't they used to say that in your day?

Eavesdropping on an Old Man

2009-08-23T16:05:00.001-04:00

This is great:

I didn't live to be 73 years old so I could eat kale.

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From the Mouths of Babes

2009-08-22T07:34:00.003-04:00

My daughter (5 years-old) and I were at the mall when she saw a Muslim woman dressed in black with only her eyes showing. My daughter knew what was up. She said, "Dad, I think I saw a ninja."

Oh, Dear - It Exploded In My Face

2009-08-08T15:06:00.001-04:00

Love these re-imagined comics.

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Leave the Horses Alone!

2009-07-29T22:02:00.001-04:00

A South Carolina man tries for romance with a horse, but settles for just sex.

7-year old escapes by car to avoid church

2009-07-29T07:38:00.001-04:00

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Health Care Vampires

2009-07-28T17:15:00.001-04:00

If conservatives get to call universal health care "socialized medicine," I get to call private health care "soulless vampires making money off human pain."

Thank you, Bill Maher.

WTF? Eating a Baby's Brain

2009-07-27T14:33:00.002-04:00

The blogging has been slow here lately. Sometimes a little WTF? goes a long way.

But this story snapped me back into that state of shock that leaves me saying, WTF? No, seriously. WTF?

What kind of animal chops off a baby's head and eats the brain? Oh, one that's "not in her right mind."

Hey, Man! Is That Any Way To Treat A Best Friend?

2009-07-19T22:43:00.003-04:00

I think Oscar the Grouch might go for that bitch on the left.

1984 for Kindling

2009-07-19T10:35:00.002-04:00

Owners of the Kindle reading device can read 1984 again, by collaborating with their enemies allies in Eastasia.

Oh, Spare Me!

2009-07-19T09:55:00.001-04:00

Tim Kreider says,

"[O]ne reason we rush so quickly to the vulgar satisfactions of judgment, and love to revel in our righteous outrage, is that it spares us the impotent pain of empathy, and the harder, messier work of understanding."

WTF? I don't understand.

WTF? Where's My Book?

2009-07-17T16:25:00.002-04:00

It's been a couple weeks since I posted. I've been having trouble getting outraged lately, but this is just too crazy.

According to Boing Boing, some Amazon.com customers bought George Orwell's 1984 to read on their Kindles. The publisher changed their minds about offering a digital version, so the copies people had already bought were erased. I guess one of the features of a Kindle is that books you buy can be "unsold" to you and erased from your device.

Not owning/wanting a Kindle, I wouldn't really care if the book in question weren't 1984. One of the themes in that book is that when people can't access any tangible written historical record, we lose our collective memory. Is there any tangible evidence that these "unsold" books ever existed?

Chewbacca in the Day

2009-06-26T10:42:00.002-04:00

Love the celebrity yearbook pics!

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Scary Clowns, cont.

2009-06-26T09:39:00.003-04:00

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My dog, that's a hideous clown face. I still don't fear the clowns, but I can fully understand if this baby grows up to fear/hate clowns.

PS - No hugs for you, Mr. hideous black-eyed clown.

Big Dick

2009-06-21T15:45:00.003-04:00

Dedicated to my friend, Big Dick. Tell 'em where ya got it!
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It's a Hat!

2009-06-20T12:11:00.002-04:00

I never liked that hat.

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Who Was That Masked Man?

2009-06-18T07:38:00.003-04:00

Where's a crime-fighter when you need one? Maybe you should point your Bat Signal toward Singapore.

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Scary Clowns

2009-06-15T22:56:00.002-04:00

Recently, I was flummoxed when an acquaintance told me that she was afraid of clowns. I am quite alright with clowns, but after seeing the clowns in this picture (particularly the purple one), I have a little sliver of understanding for those who find clowns disturbing.

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Redneck Scaffold

2009-06-14T12:43:00.002-04:00

I don't even like ladders.

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Umpire ejects entire crowd during baseball game

2009-06-13T21:21:00.000-04:00

Is this a ball field or a courtroom?

WTF Was That? Boy Struck By Meteorite

2009-06-12T18:31:00.002-04:00

A pea-sized meteorite struck a 14-year old German boy, leaving him without a bejeezus.

R2D2 is the Don

2009-06-08T19:50:00.003-04:00

But we knew that.

vignette by Shannon Young

Shhhh...

2009-06-08T16:33:00.003-04:00

Blaise K on flickr

Bringing a Plowshare to a Sword Fight

2009-06-04T20:48:00.001-04:00

Or just bring your guns to church. Yo, pastor, WTF?

Abortion Doctor Killed

2009-05-31T13:21:00.001-04:00

Think the pro-lifers did it? Oh, where's Bill Hicks when you need him?

You're the Zodiac Killer! No, I'm Not.

2009-05-31T09:49:00.002-04:00

Michael O'Hare tells an oddly amusing story about being accused by an "amateur sleuth" of being the Zodiac Killer. The accusations, based on a lot of numerical mumbo jumbo, don't seem to cause Mr. O'Hare too much distress. He calls a series of late-night harassing phone calls from his accuser, "my favorite episode." Then there's his reaction to his accuser's odd predictions.

I understand Penn also predicted that I would commit suicide in a particular way on a particular date, but I was not informed in time to comply and am now many years overdue.

Sounds like he's handling this pretty well.

Mr. O'Hare loses me at the end, however, when he describes his mental image of his accuser, whom he has never knowingly met.

He's seated cross-legged on the floor surrounded by an enormous collection of Lego pieces, each one a fact either about me or about the Zodiac/Webster crimes. Hour after hour, day after day, he assembles an amazing structure, but the pieces from the two batches don't fit together properly, so he relabels something that looks useful, or whittles a new piece from scratch into the shape he needs.

C'mon, dude. Everyone knows that Lego bricks fit perfectly together. Even pieces from different "batches." Ha ha. That's why you should always buy real Lego parts, never Mega Blocks, Tyco blocks, Chinese fake-Lego-eBay-crap, or any of that. Legos always fit.

Bad Paintings of Barack Obama

2009-05-31T09:19:00.004-04:00

When they say Bad Paintings of Barack Obama, they're not kidding. Not bad meaning good, but bad meaning P-U. The Obama-Crazy Horse-80's Hair Metal mashup above, I found oddly endearing.

I would like to rename the site, Bad Interface for Viewing Bad Pictures of Barack Obama. All you can do is click on a random picture to see another random picture. And they start to repeat before you've seen them all.

Yeah, just when you think you've seen it all...

I click the page one more time and get presented with this little number.

WTF? Tacos. Flying briefs. Multicolored strippers. Sun in the corner. Seriously, guys. Lay off the mescal.

More Garden Trimming

2009-05-28T19:36:00.006-04:00

Not content to mow the lawn? Here are some pointers for "trimming the bush to make the tree look taller."

American Hamburger X

2009-05-27T22:49:00.001-04:00

Grimace just backs away.

Give Me A (Prison) Break!

2009-05-27T22:06:00.003-04:00

I'm glad they finally wrapped up Prison Break. The series dragged on for too long, but I liked it too much to dump it. It was a good finish to the story, and after the "four years later" sequence I was happy to be done with it.

But that wasn't enough. They have to toss out Prison Break: The Final Break. Just in case that "four years later" line wasn't good enough for you and you're not ready to let it be finished. Well, I couldn't consider it finished until it was really finished.

So, after watching The Final Break, it was better than I expected. It has some good surprises. But it still was unnecessary.

My favorite exchange, between General Krantz and T-Bag:

General: You worthless son of a whore. Go to hell!

T-Bag: Careful I don't get there first, lest I become king of that prison, too.

Bite Me. Ouch!

2009-05-27T21:59:00.002-04:00

If your annoyed co-worker told you, "bite me," would you bite her? Perhaps if you worked at the Connecticut Police Academy.

A police arrest report says Wyler had teeth marks and bruising on the back of her left arm.

Well, at least he didn't try to bite out her eyeballs. Jeez!

Happy Birth-cough-hack-day

2009-05-26T21:27:00.001-04:00

Ha ha. That's so contrary!

Dick Cheney Shoots Himself

2009-05-26T20:56:00.001-04:00

Right in the face. With his own argument.

A Very Boring Book?

2009-05-26T20:46:00.003-04:00

Need proof about how out of touch "the kids these days" are? Check out these one star reviews of Anne Frank's Diary of a Young Girl.

Now, run along. Get out of my yard!

Legal Pot? Or Status Quo?

2009-05-24T10:41:00.002-04:00

There's been more chatter than normal about considering changes to the nation's marijuana laws, mostly because cash-strapped governments are realizing how expensive this prohibition regime is to enforce. The Christian Science Monitor has an editorial that made me yell at my screen.

First, there's the argument that marijuana is not harmless. Well, the prohibitionists have always exaggerated the dangers associated with marijuana, and the supporters have tended to minimize the dangers that pot smoking poses to some users. This is a valuable discussion to have, but harmlessness should not be a prerequisite for legalization. Alcohol is dangerous. So is driving a car. Slicing a bagel is dangerous, too. We don't criminalize every potential danger. This is ridiculous.

They discount the role that marijuana money plays in empowering gangs such as the Mexican cartels. The article further pooh-poohs the idea that prison populations are swelled because of incarcerated pot smokers. Sorry. I'm not buying it. The drug prohibition laws should be renamed "The Criminal Employment Act" or the "Prison Hack Employment Act." That's who seems to be benefiting from all this illegal business.

Then they trot out the argument that parents should ignore their own experiences and buy into the prohibitionist line.

Parents need to resist peer pressure, too.
Legalization backers say the country is at a tipping point, ready to make the final big leap. They hope that a new generation of politicians that has had experience with marijuana will be friendly to their cause.
But this new generation is also made up of parents. Do parents really want marijuana to become a normal part of society – and an expectation for their children?

Yes! Yes! Yes! Marijuana needs to become a normal part of society. How else are we going to speak honestly to the kids? How else are we going to have a conversation about drugs that is based on science and medicine, rather than politics? Tell the kids the truth, because if you try the scare tactics about pot, the kids will learn soon enough that you're lying.

If we teach the kids that marijuana is like hard drugs, then they'll think that the hard drugs are like marijuana. How is that desirable?

The article makes some very good points, even if I don't agree with the conclusion.

Parents must make clear that marijuana is not a harmless drug – even if they personally may have emerged unscathed.
And they need to teach the life lesson that marijuana does not really solve personal challenges, be they stress, relationships, or discouragement.
In the same way, a search for joy and satisfaction in a drug is misplaced.
The far greater and lasting attraction is in a life rooted in moral and spiritual values – not in a haze, a daze, or a munchie-craze.

This is all true. But it's not an argument for maintaining marijuana prohibition. We can teach these lessons to the kids and still salvage respect for adults' own right to make decisions about what they smoke. We don't need the threat of arrest and incarceration to nudge people into making "moral and spiritual" choices about what they smoke or don't smoke. Most people already make reasonable choices.

The availability of legal alcohol doesn't cause most people to turn into Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Neither should we believe that criminal sanctions are the only thing saving potential pot smokers from Reefer Madness.

Psycho Parents, WTF? or America Eats Its Young

2009-05-24T10:20:00.003-04:00

I've been stunned lately, looking at the headlines. I have resisted blogging about this because I'm not trying to turn this into the child abuse and child murder blog. Really, WTF parents?

First I saw the mother in New Mexico who suffocated her 3-year-old and buried him in the playground sand. Then there was the icy-looking nutjob in Georgia who was sentenced to 100 years for feeding his two little kids poison in their soup, hoping to extort money from Campbell's Soup. This morning I see the story about an Oregon woman who is accused of drowning her 4-year-old in the river.

Are people losing their senses, or am I just hearing about it more often than would have been possible in the pre-internet era? Lots of people are really stressed out these days. I, for one, am glad that I am not a homeless 23-year-old single mother. Times are tough, but is that an excuse to abandon our humanity and turn into a bunch of crocodiles?

Chess, Anyone?

2009-05-23T15:13:00.002-04:00

Looks like valuable info for cat owners.

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Appetite for Construction

2009-05-22T21:36:00.002-04:00

I've always admired this photo. And the bravery of those workmen. And my own clever title.

Check out more iconic photos here.

Bush: It's 'liberating' to be out of office

2009-05-22T20:08:00.002-04:00

I'm glad President Bush and I can agree about something. We both have a "liberating feeling" now that he is out of office. Rather than viewing the American people as the people who were so disgusted with the mess he made that we kicked his party to the curb, he greets us as liberators.

Obama vows not to send people to war without cause

2009-05-22T19:53:00.002-04:00

How about that headline? Duh. I would hope so! So here's the story.

President Obama spoke to graduates at the U.S. Naval Academy.

"I will only send you into harm's way when it is absolutely necessary, and with the strategy, the well-defined goals, the equipment and the support that you need to get the job done," the president told more than 1,000 graduates during a sun-splashed ceremony at Navy-Marine Corps Memorial Stadium.

It's kind of embarrassing that a president would have to make this pledge explicitly. As if we couldn't assume that the president would exercise this kind of judgement. Considering the poor performance by the previous president, though, we can't.

Party Like It's 1989

2009-05-20T20:19:00.003-04:00

This East London hipster has the 80's look, complete with fanny pack (er, bum bag).

WTF is up with the red sweatshirt on the wall? There is nothing hipster about Fairport Lacrosse.

Hello, 911? There's a School Board member living in my basement.

2009-05-18T22:59:00.002-04:00

Police were called in Ohio because a father and son were arguing about the son's messy room. But the son was 28. And a member of the local School Board.

But a knock on the door from the cops, and this 28 year-old basement dweller slash School Board member was ready to live in cleanliness.

"Andrew was sent to his room to clean it. He was crying uncontrollably and stated he would comply."

She Holds a Grudge. And a Carpet Sweeper.

2009-05-18T22:52:00.002-04:00

How about holding a grudge? A 78 year-old woman was arrested for beating her 84 year-old husband, believing he had cheated on her during their marriage.

Prosecutors said she hit him with a bowl, pipe and carpet sweeper.

Sounds like this woman is still pissed about an affair 35 years ago.

At Last, Some Real WTF?!?!

2009-05-18T16:29:00.004-04:00

***WARNING***

If you know what's good for you, skip this post. It's horrible.

***WARNING***

Sometimes these posts don't quite pack the full punch of the WTF? More of an OMG. Or a Yuk Yuk. This, however, is not one of those posts. This headline just kicked me in the head with a fully existential roundhouse wallop sending me reeling backward mumbling, "WTF? No, Seriously. WTF?"

Father, High on PCP, Eats Son's Eyeballs Out

So much horror in eight words.

Now, why would I want to turn around and be the bearer of bad news (to my imaginary readers) by further disseminating this story? I'll tell you. Because of the picture. When I clicked through to one of the articles, I was further startled by the little red monster staring back at me.

That's just wrong.

Boring, Empty Existence

2009-05-17T15:06:00.001-04:00

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Mike Hunt's Brother-in-Law

2009-05-10T13:57:00.001-04:00

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Stop Baptizing the Dead, You Prissy Weirdos

2009-05-09T14:53:00.003-04:00

Was I out of line for calling the Mormons a bunch of prissy weirdos as an aside while mentioning Palmyra, NY? I suppose I should at least provide a reason why I think so.

How about some "well-meaning" prissy weirdo church members performing a posthumous baptism of President Obama's mother?

WTF Kind of Nudist Yetis are these?

2009-05-09T14:30:00.002-04:00

Hey Yeti kid! Hands to yourself!

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Is that a storm approaching or are you just glad to see me?

2009-05-04T20:30:00.001-04:00

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I Guess You Think You're In The Movies Somewhere

2009-05-04T20:05:00.002-04:00

Do you feel like you're living in a movie?

Title aside, this post really has nothing to do with the Bad Brains. Oh well, I guess now it does.

In this case, the movie is a metaphor for a human life span. At your age, where are you in your life? Try this calculator. Enter your birthday, the age at which you expect to die, and choose a movie. It will show you exactly where you would be in the movie, according to where you are in your life expectancy. I prefer to envision my life as a screening of Star Wars.

I found the experience of using the calculator kind of creepy because you have to forecast your own death. I probably should have just used the average age, but that's kind of mean.

WTF 911?

2009-05-04T19:47:00.002-04:00

When you need to dial 911, you're in an emergency situation, and probably not at your level-headed best. Never mind. Make sure you don't curse (while the phone is still ringing), or they might hang up on you.

The Wookies Are Coming!

2009-05-03T16:40:00.001-04:00

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Triumph of the Notorious

2009-05-03T13:48:00.002-04:00

I refuse to embed this video because it's just so wrong. Biggie Smalls is smacking babies at they Christening, and Hitler rocks the mic. WTF?

Mohawked Men Steal, Kill Calf, Fail To Use Every Part

2009-05-03T12:25:00.003-04:00

Strangeness from Palmyra, NY, the birthplace of Mormonism. Breaking into a farmer's barn, stealing a calf, hacking off a couple of steaks to cook in a campfire, and leaving a carcass. I have a few questions.

Why kill a calf? Throw it back for when it's bigger.

Why the hairdos? Are they really high school wrestlers?

Why the unnecessary reference to the Mormons? Just because they're prissy weirdos from Palmyra.

Drunk In The Saddle Again

2009-05-03T09:40:00.002-04:00

As I have noted before, DWI should really involve driving a vehicle. If you're not driving a vehicle, it really shouldn't be DWI. That said, I was impressed by the seeming reasonableness of the charge leveled against this hammered horseman.

Brian Drone of Arvada was ticketed for riding an animal while under the influence, a Class B traffic violation resulting in a $25 fine.

Yes! Call it what it is.

8-year-old Saudi girl divorces 50-year-old husband

2009-04-30T21:37:00.002-04:00

How hideous is this? America's "close allies" the Saudis have no minimum marriage age. Let me suggest a rule of thumb for them. If you bring home math homework, you're too young to marry. If your would-be husband is too freakin' old to understand your math homework, he's too old for you.

WTF? No Unicorn Car?

2009-04-29T20:08:00.003-04:00

I just reread "The Unicorn in the Garden" by James Thurber. So, when I heard about an offer of a free unicorn art car, I thought, "A unicorn is a mythical beast."

Curious readers researched the phone number in the ad, and it appears to be a trap for naive callers. Kind of a reverse prank phone call, I guess. Am I naive that I didn't recognize that 2625 is phone pad code for cock?

That Was Totally Uncalled For!

2009-04-25T17:31:00.004-04:00

Readers of the blog will know that I am not a fan of George W. Bush. I feel angry and sad that Bush and company dragged this country into the mud by making us the country that tortures prisoners. The pro-torture camp can justify themselves by describing extreme circumstances under which unspeakable acts of brutality are called for.

I'm not buying it. Because once abusing prisoners becomes the accepted practice, it spreads beyond the "worst-of-the-worst" scenarios. Additionally, the attitudes and practices among members of the military filter down into civilian law enforcement. Brutality breeds more brutality. You see this in the increased willingness of police officers to use tasers against non-violent civilians.

The second rule of dealing with cops is: Nobody likes being treated like a dumb shit. So, don't act like a jerk to the cops. I can't imagine how that would work out well. Bringing a lawsuit against unreasonable cops might be a good course of action, but threatening the cop that you're going to sue him is probably not going to help him see the error of his ways in harassing you.

And if a cop is hassling you while you're riding your bike, don't shake your ass at him. That's what happened with two cyclists who were being hassled for riding on the road.

In his written report, the Deputy stated that he pursued the cyclists for almost a mile, and that:
"On several occasions the subjects stood up and shaked their butts at me taunting me."

Asked about this, Tony confirms that on occasion, they were standing on their pedals, and that the Deputy misinterpreted this as taunting.

That's pretty funny stuff. But it gets crazy after the cop decides that this bicycle rider who is not being cooperative with him deserves to get hit with a taser.

"Dude, you just shot me with a taser! That was totally uncalled for!"

Uncalled for, indeed.

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Those Poor Republicans

2009-04-25T10:37:00.003-04:00

Once again, Bill Maher gets it right about those poor jilted tea-bagging GOP losers.

Look, I get it, "real America." After an eight-year run of controlling the White House, Congress and the Supreme Court, this latest election has you feeling like a rejected husband. You've come home to find your things out on the front lawn -- or at least more things than you usually keep out on the front lawn. You're not ready to let go, but the country you love is moving on. And now you want to call it a whore and key its car.

That's what you are, the bitter divorced guy whose country has left him -- obsessing over it, haranguing it, blubbering one minute about how much you love it and vowing the next that if you cannot have it, nobody will.

But it's been almost 100 days, and your country is not coming back to you. She's found somebody new. And it's a black guy.

No, Seriously. WTF Is That Hat?

2009-04-24T17:10:00.002-04:00

With apologies to Aretha Franklin, there's a new ugliest hat on this blog.

Or is it a bedroll?

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To Fast To Live. To Dumb To Spell.

2009-04-24T17:04:00.002-04:00

More misspelled tattoos here.

Marijuana Pepsi

2009-04-21T11:25:00.004-04:00

Here's a woman's name you don't hear every day. Marijuana Pepsi. I know what you're thinking. Name a sweet little baby after a corn-syrupy beverage that makes you burp? Eww!

(via)

Want a Baby? Blow Me.

2009-04-21T09:26:00.004-04:00

Up. Like a balloon. ;-)

Oh My, A Dictionary

2009-04-21T08:57:00.004-04:00

I like reference books, and I like books that pose as reference books, a la The Devil's Dictionary. My First Dictionary is a new blog that twists an illustrated children's dictionary into something more fiendish.

Don't Walk in the Street. Or Swim.

2009-04-21T07:00:00.005-04:00

A couple months ago, I took the opportunity to rant about people who walk in snowy streets because they don't want to schlep through the snowy sidewalks. As the picture shows, the problem has only gotten worse. Now do we have to chase swimmers out of the roads, too?

(via)

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

2009-04-19T18:44:00.000-04:00

J.G. Ballard, R.I.P.

2009-04-19T17:23:00.002-04:00

Author, J.G. Ballard died at 78.

I'm particularly fond of Concrete Island and High Rise, with their savage urban isolation. Another great theme is the re-exploration of America in Hello America.

President Charles Manson? WTF?

Women at War. WTF?

2009-04-19T08:18:00.004-04:00

My dear reader, Robin Hood, raises the issue of women who serve in the armed forces and are treated horribly by their comrades in arms.

The article mentions Chantelle Henneberry, a 17 year-old, who was the lone woman assigned to a platoon of 50-60 men. WTF? Who could possibly think that was a good idea?

All the history I've managed to glean from movies tells me that today's women have more roles in time of war than in wars past. Here are some of them in no particular order. There's always civilian casualty. Victim of looting and pillaging. Rape victim at the hands of marauding troops. Nurse. Spy. Betsy Ross. Prostitute. Rosie the Riveter. Leni Riefenstahl.

Now the brave, hardworking women who serve find their roles more limited. According to 19 year-old Iraq veteran Mickiela Montoya:

There are only three things the guys let you be if you're a girl in the military - a bitch, a ho, or a dyke. You're a bitch if you won't sleep with them. A ho if you've even got one boyfriend. A dyke if they don't like you. So you can't win.

Not a great menu. But consider the context. A nation at war has already legalized murder. How much civility can one expect, having let loose the hounds of war. Can we be surprised if warriors act like a bunch of savages?

Women in uniform deserve better from their comrades and their country. Support the troops, dude.

Stretching it Out

2009-04-18T06:54:00.001-04:00

Hit your thumb with a hammer. Damn!

Lady Godiva rides by. Daaaamn!

Just how long can you stretch it out?

Spot of tea, officer?

2009-04-18T06:51:00.001-04:00

Pirates shot in the head - pirates + tea bagging - bags = this lucky woman.

Striking

2009-04-15T18:45:00.002-04:00

I like Wii Bowling better than real bowling. It's cheaper. I don't have to go out. And I can do my "strike dance" in private.

(via)

Bo, the Obama Puppy

2009-04-12T14:33:00.002-04:00

The Obama girls have their puppy and its name is Bo. The article surmises that's Bo as in Bo Diddley.

Last dog I met called Bo was short for Bo Shin Tang. (보신탕)

Somali Pirates

2009-04-11T20:20:00.002-04:00

We've heard a lot more recently about the Somali pirates, especially since some of them had the awful luck to get drawn into a standoff with the US Navy. I can't imagine the pirates coming out on top of this one.

But some of these articles just make me laugh. Like this one that blames the pirates for not being piratey enough.

"I think when most people think of pirates, they think of Johnny Depp and the Pirates of the Caribbean," said security consultant Crispian Cuss of the London-based Olive Group. But these guys are "just fishermen paid to act as pirates by warlords and armed gangs who have taken over a lawless state."

Well, excuse me Crispian Cuss, but I would say that these "just fishermen" have had quite a year. I suppose if you want to fault them for not being piratey enough, I would start with the apparent lack of "yo ho ho and a bottle of rum." These Muslim pirates don't drink, do they?

I'm not going to belittle the bravery of "just fishermen" because it's a pretty tough way to make a living. But these pirates are desperate enough and badass enough to go out hunting for ransom money on the ocean with nothing but their boats and their balls.

Happy Easter, You Slobs

2009-04-11T07:02:00.003-04:00

(via)

Repubs. Need a Clue

2009-04-11T06:33:00.004-04:00

Of course the Republican diehards that still want to identify with their shriveled stinking husk of a party feel like cultural outliers. Now they are proving it by their inability to navigate the English language. Or is it a Freudian slip that they keep marching right into the vocabulary of the gays that they hate so much.

Case in point, tea-bagging. Some Republicans have decided that in response to no longer running all three branches of the Federal government they should invoke the righteous fury of the Boston Tea Party. Suddenly, they have reservations about government spending. This, after eight years of George W. and his Republican allies in Congress spending money, as Bill Maher says, like a pimp with a week left to live. And now they want to express their frustrations by tea-bagging Obama. WTF? Have these people never seen Pecker?

If that isn't clumsy enough, the anti-gay-marriage crowd has decided to assemble an online, Two Million For Marriage, or 2M4M. Problem is, when most people think of 2M4M, they're not thinking about heterosexual couples at all.

All Kinds of People

2009-04-10T15:17:00.002-04:00

I thought there were two kinds of people: people who think that there are only two kinds of people, and those who know this isn't true.

Actually, there are many more kinds of people, all lovingly cataloged here.

DMV vs. Vegans

2009-04-08T19:47:00.002-04:00

The DMV in Colorado has disallowed this woman's vanity license plate because they think it's dirty. She says it refers to the bean curd that is a staple of her family's vegan diet. Me? I like tofu. It goes great with pork!

I can't let a mention of license plate messages go by without giggling at the best randomly assigned, non-vanity license plate ever.

Mow the Lawn

2009-04-06T20:08:00.001-04:00

Funny, I thought it was going to be about turf.

More Massacres

2009-04-05T20:46:00.003-04:00

Geez, am I getting oversensitive about all the brutal slayings in the news lately? Now we've got headlines screaming about a massacre of a herpetological variety.

(photo credit)

Money Can't Buy Happiness

2009-04-05T20:29:00.002-04:00

Don't you hate that one? It sounds like it was written by someone with plenty of money.

Truly, having money is no guarantee of happiness. But being broke is a pretty good guarantee of a stressed-out bummer.

Sez the Economist:

...[I]t is now well established that poor adults live stressful lives, and not just for the obvious reason that poverty brings uncertainty about the future. The main reason poor people are stressed is that they are at the bottom of the social heap as well as the financial one.

Sir Michael Marmot, of University College London, and his intellectual successors have shown repeatedly that people at the bottom of social hierarchies experience much more stress in their daily lives than those at the top—and suffer the consequences in their health.

Somebody tell the rampaging murderers.

Everyone Curses

2009-04-05T20:17:00.001-04:00

F-in' amazin', this is!

Swearing is beneficial in ways that people may underestimate or take for granted. Swearing is often cathartic — it often frees us of the feelings of anger or frustration we hold and allows expression for them. It can also be a useful substitute to physical violence (who would rather be punched out than to withstand being sworn at?).

Swear words can also be used in a more positive manner, in the form of jokes and humor, sex talk, storytelling, self-deprecation or even social commentary. Imagine when you want to emphasize how great you feel something is, a swear words emphasizes the positive feelings you have for that object, situation, person or event (”This concert is fucking awesome!”). Sure, we could just say “This concert is awesome,” but the addition of the swear word emphasizes the emotional reaction we have toward it — and easily conveys that emotional reaction to others.

(via)

Enough with the Massacres! WTF?

2009-04-05T06:31:00.002-04:00

Is it just me, or is it impossible to browse the news these days without hearing about the most recent loser who takes his gun collection to massacre his family, workplace, ESL class, or whatever? I started looking through the recent weeks' news archives to make a list of the shootings, but it made me too sad. I don't really think I need a list of names and places to make my point, because I know you know what I'm talking about.

Attention would-be douche-bags: Enough with the f-ing murderous rampages!